We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
