Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
