o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
