i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
