I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
