It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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