she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
