can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
