so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
