My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
