Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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