Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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