i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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