so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
