Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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