dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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