dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
