so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
