Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
