hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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