We need to rekindle our bromance
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
