I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
