She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
