Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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