Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
