Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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