Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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