I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
