just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
