Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
