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I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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