What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.