It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress