It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
