Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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