He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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