wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
