she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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