I am full of burrito and curiosity
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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