Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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