Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
