Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
