running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
As shirtless as possible
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
