Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
