kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize