Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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