Cold hands, warm shart.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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