why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
where are my eyebrows?
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