well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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