did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
