I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
