everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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