Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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