I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
