I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
