it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
