she was so not down for the gang bang
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
