absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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