wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
