Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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