im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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