I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
