come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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