I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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