that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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