I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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