Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
