I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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