so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
