I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
