What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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