i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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