why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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